He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
