god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
