apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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