I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
