You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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