Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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