I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
