dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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