She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
