My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
