yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
