i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
