White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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