Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So squirting runs in the family.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
