Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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