you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He better not be in your backpack
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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