Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
