remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
