return my video game
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
