Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
