You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
