Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
