I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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