they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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