Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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