Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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