Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
