Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
