Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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