note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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