Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
