anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
