gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize