so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
