I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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