It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
