They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
