Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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