meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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