"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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