Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
