Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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