u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
