your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
