Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Your cock deserves a montage
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
