Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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