I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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