How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
