last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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