Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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