i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
