i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
