So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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