I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
