i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
