That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
