Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
