You can't motorboat a personality
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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