i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
