I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dicks are not precious.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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