my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
