How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
