Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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