I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
