He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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