Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
