We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
