They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
