i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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