Say something about gay babies.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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