i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
