After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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