I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
